I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
