I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
