u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
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My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
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For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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