i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
