Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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