I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
