Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
How does it feel to date your dad?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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