its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
What a dumb baby whore.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
