I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
