I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.