Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button