How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
