I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.