Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
