i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
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I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
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Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.