we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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