I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
