Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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