When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
