im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
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So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
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I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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