hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
