She is in my trunk
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
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Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
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I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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