I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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