I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
