so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
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