So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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