How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
