well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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