What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
be right there i have to get my cape
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
