I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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