I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize