Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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