nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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