I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
