Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
