Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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