I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize