I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
