Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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