I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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