sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
