I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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