Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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