i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize