you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
