just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
