8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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