dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
