just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
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