The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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