he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
