Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
