I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
