I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
