This is not my ceiling
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.