I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Mom said you looked used
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.