He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.