i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
try lime green
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Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
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NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.