I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize