Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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