Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
