3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
