Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
