Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We are all done wearing pants today
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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