Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
