'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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