she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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