I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
