I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
