Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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