Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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