He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
