3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
