he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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