I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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