Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
