dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
