just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Dicks are not precious.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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