I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
