He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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