I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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