Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
