I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
