his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dick very happy bro
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
