did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
