If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
