dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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