I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
