I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You pole danced in your parka.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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