My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
