I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
